February 2009
Watch
Now, I mean, don’t get me wrong: I totally think Jesus and God and the Charlton Heston version of Moses aren’t real. I’m, like, totally into atheism. I was a godless heathen before it was hip. I can out atheist any of you people. I’m such an unbeliever that I don’t even believe that I’m sitting here typing this right now. I believe some lonely asshole on...
Jesus Christ… Bill Maher almost makes me want to believe in you.
HOT WATER BURN BABY! Where are you taking me? Oh, nice institution. Vern, my main man. Holy shit, Tom Cruise! We’re counting cards. Lulz.
January 2009
First casualty of the East Coast-West Coast Internet Rivalry: Nick Douglas spilled a Frappuccino on Jason Kottke. Hardcore motherfuckers.
I hate working on IIS, so instead of work here’s a tweet: Certified for Windows Server 2008, also may be used as cutting device for seppuku.
Alright, I’ll come clean: I spat in Arrington’s face. I was only trying to get him to promote my new Shut the Fuck Up You Fat Fuck startup.
I sometimes pretend that people who have trouble walking are instead in a state of constant and intense intoxication. I’m not proud of it.
You guys simply cannot imagine the method I’m using to write this tweet. Otherwise, there’s nothing good about this particular tweet at all.
I hate to do this to you, but this is just a test. Yes I’m serious.
The tweet right above this one is now a meme.
“Thanks man not today. I’m on a bus. We have to stay above 55. Fuck!”
– txt from topherchris after I asked if he wanted a ride (via tophercasey)
ahem
realrealsoft:
topherchris - don’t follow him, but so i’ve heard
Would you follow me if I posted my balls?
Re: Obsession with certain party photos
It’s like 9/11 never even happened. Take that, terrorists.
The people in my life that I only want to have 140-character-limited correspondence with are *never* the people on Twitter.
Celebrating 25 years of Mac devotion with beige beige (mixture of cocaine and ground-up Macintosh 128K casing). Tripping MacPaint patterns.
WatchThat’s it, I can’t hold it in anymore, I have a lot of stuff to say about some things.
“This entire case demonstrates some rather brutal realities of current internet...”
– The Boxxy Story. A well-written two-part synopsis of the rise and fall of one girl with a webcam. I wish reading about internet culture was always this entertaining.
I feel better knowing people are fucking in the White House again.
Love Me I'm Drunk
Is it too late for me to sue the doctor who circumcised me? I specifically requested a scar in the shape of my then favorite teddy bear.
You don’t love me, you just love my great big Internet.
“It’s only after you lost everything that you’re willing to try anything.”
– Fight Club (via littlemiss)
I don’t mean to be contrary, but I believe the actual quote is:
It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.
Nitpicky, perhaps, but “willing to try” is just pussyfooting around compared to “free to...
Holy jesus on a bike, chill out. Wait, I didn’t mean to upset any Christians. Holy fuck on a bike. Wait, I didn’t mean to offend bikes.
Tweet tweet: I’m sorry to keep harping on this, but PB & J > salmonella. Bring ‘em on.
Twitter post: First Obama takes his oath on a Qur’an and NOW we learn the music was prerecorded?! I expect this from from Obama, but not you, Yo-Yo Ma.
I can’t very well text you Japanese emoticons without your number. So DM me your mom’s iPhone number at once.
Fuck it. I refuse to change my lifestyle. You gotta be true to yourself, always. That’s right bitches, I’m *still* eating peanut butter.
Oh yeah, UPDATE. I’m importing my twitter feed in here now. Hope that doesn’t annoy anybody. I know it’s technically redundant, but I also know that not everybody is going to check twitter as often as their Tumblr dashboard and I hope that a just little bit of duplication won’t bother anybody.
Please get in touch if this news makes you rage.
juliaallison:
Mary: Charles Forman was a giant douche to me at the New York Times party.
Me: I’m not surprised. He’s been a giant douche to me for the last two months.
Mary: Well I didn’t know this! I went up to him all like “Hi, Charles Forman!! Give me a hug!” And he’s like, “I don’t touch people.”
[pause]
Mary: And then he grabbed...
Who has an iPhone? I’d like to text you a stream of meaningless but cute-as-fuck Japanese emoticons (emoji). I paid $5 for this, damn it.
